He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
