remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
