so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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