i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
