I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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