you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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