Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
