im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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