I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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