At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
