I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
