i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
