I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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