Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
