My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
