i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize