Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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