Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
