If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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