Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
