It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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