oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
