it wasn't lemon gatorade
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
