a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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