Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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