For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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