i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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