ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
