i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
