we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
