Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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