On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
