I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
