he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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