Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
