and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
