I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
