Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i would punch a child for taco bell
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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