finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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