Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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