Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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