try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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