Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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