so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
