I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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