love makes seman taste better
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
