I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
