DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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