And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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