you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
