Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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