remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
