As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
