like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
