Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
