just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
