we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
