I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
