Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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