It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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