Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
