At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
