O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
